#49 Bidding (A contribution piece by Michael Prenosil)

(Michael Prenosil- author, poet, public speaker, & human rights activist)

I come from unwanted stock, not a miracle of life. I come from a place not many truly survive. From a grocery store of human flesh ripe for the picking and sold to the highest bidder. A revenue stream for the private in an effort to sell the procreational dream. I have seen the divide between the life that was made and the one that was bought. The struggling who lay a heavy head, and those who wear the crown. “What’s to come will be.” I’ve heard a lot, implying that our lives are already decided by the universe or a Godly will. If this were so, then I shouldn’t feel lucky... or like I cheated death every day the sun hits my skin. I should feel like this is my path and I shouldn’t apologize that others have less. But I can’t help feeling guilty. Guilty for the mother or family that hopefully aches in my absence. Guilty for not wanting to feel dirty. Guilty for not having to fight in the shit with the rest of them. Sickened by all of the opportunity and options I’ve been offered with no real consequence. A subsequent divide indeed from the life that should have been me.  

Determined to keep going, I’ve suffered a lot in silence. Not wanting to be a burden to others, I try to take in the “life” that’s been given to me, yet I fear that I am never enough. I fill up my time with people and possessions to show I’m not alone, so I don’t feel alone. I surround my life with “reasons” to be places, or “commitments” I have to keep, so I can’t crawl back in my prison that waits for me. The one I built and labored over to protect myself from a world of death, pain, and hatred. From and towards this plain of existence I inhabit. A tiny infraction of an exponential universe like a seed floating to nature's new home. How could I ever find peace in this place? 

All my accomplishments, all my dreams, the things I care about, and the ones I care for- could it be by design? Is the purpose to follow the prenoted composition and to sing the melody of its composer day in and day out, paying homage to accept this is it? No, I don’t believe this is me. I don’t accept these terms of decay. I reject the pressing future and demand to be seen. To be heard and understand that the past is not the beginning. To forge my existence and shape what remains. To let down my guard and set aside the key. To undo some of the torture that I’ve held so close to me.  

This life is now my journey, vulnerable and free 

Expressing truth with every word 

Exploring the depths of what I couldn’t see  

An unbridled reach for meaning, a binding decree 

To tell my story proudly 

And share what it feels like to be me 

In hopes you’ll do the same 

Sharing your gift of knowledge 

Complete with stories and beliefs 

Changing this place for the better 

By giving us something to read

 

Find out more about the author, Michael Prenosil Here.

Submit contribution pieces Here for consideration in the Danger Diaries. 

1 comment

  • Janene
    Janene Coon Rapids
    Michael that was deeply moving, your life is all about talent. Those who see it.......they choose to, those that do not, can't stand the gift you are. The many lives you have touched, the many ways you make this life bearable for others is beyond your knowledge.............are you choosing to look in this mirror full of pain? Or will you look into the eyes of those that can see the real you, those whose lives you have made better, helped heal, shown a better way, and taken their pain away? If only to return again not letting them forget their value. Please do not forget yous. I love you.

    Michael that was deeply moving, your life is all about talent. Those who see it.......they choose to, those that do not, can't stand the gift you are. The many lives you have touched, the many ways you make this life bearable for others is beyond your knowledge.............are you choosing to look in this mirror full of pain? Or will you look into the eyes of those that can see the real you, those whose lives you have made better, helped heal, shown a better way, and taken their pain away? If only to return again not letting them forget their value. Please do not forget yous. I love you.

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